Navigating client resistance in therapy

For therapists observing and navigating client resistance in therapy, addressing the situation with compassionate curiosity works better than confrontation to build trust and nurture the therapeutic relationship.

Therapy often shares similarities with dating: sometimes there’s an instant connection, other times it’s limited to polite conversation, and occasionally, a person is not yet ready to confront deeper issues—even though they have sought help. 

This hesitancy is known as resistance. 

It might appear when a client tells a joke just before becoming emotional, or when they attempt to avoid certain topics altogether. 

It’s important to understand that resistance is not meant to undermine the therapeutic process; rather, it’s a form of self-protection. 

When therapists recognize and work with resistance, it can actually serve as a guide, leading both therapist and client to what truly matters.

What causes client resistance in therapy

When considering what causes client resistance in therapy, keep in mind that clients do not resist to make therapy more challenging for the therapist. 

They resist because being vulnerable can feel daunting—like shopping in a large store without a plan, leaving them exposed and uncertain about what they might end up sharing. 

Some common reasons for resistance include:

• Fear of change: Much like holding on to an uncomfortable mattress out of habit, clients may avoid change even if it causes discomfort.

• Shame: An inner critic may whisper, “If they really knew me, they’d walk away.”

• Trust issues: Past experiences may have taught clients that closeness leads to hurt, making openness in therapy feel risky.

• Ambivalence: Clients may want to feel better, but are also attached to familiar coping strategies, echoing the fear of change.

In many cases, resistance is the nervous system’s way of asking, “Is it safe to proceed?”

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How resistance manifests

When considering how to identify different types of resistance, keep in mind that resistance in therapy can take many forms, manifesting as different archetypes:

• The Deflector: Changes the subject or redirects conversation, for example, asking the therapist how they are doing.

• The Philosopher: Engages in abstract or existential debates to avoid emotional topics.

• The Houdini: Frequently cancels sessions or is unreliable in attendance.

• The Gladiator: Challenges or argues against the therapist’s suggestions at every turn.

Each form of resistance points to underlying pain. 

For instance, humor may be a shield for grief, while inconsistent attendance could be testing the therapist’s commitment. 

When navigating client resistance in therapy, the most effective response is compassionate curiosity, seeking to understand the protective role resistance plays.

Examples of resistance in practice

When helping clients in overcoming therapeutic resistance, it’s important to become familiar with ways it may appear in session:

Case of the Comedian: A client laughs in response to difficult questions, even when discussing painful topics like divorce. While humor is welcomed, it is gently explored to uncover the sadness beneath.

Case of the Philosopher King: Another client routinely debates philosophical issues. While intellectualizing can be helpful at times, it may also serve as an avoidance strategy. By suggesting, “I wonder if thinking so deeply helps you avoid feeling deeply,” the therapist turns resistance into an opportunity for growth.

Case of the Ghost: A client misses several appointments in a row and returns feeling embarrassed. Rather than reprimanding, the therapist acknowledges, “Part of you might not want to be here—and that part deserves a voice, too.” This recognition can help improve engagement.

Approaching resistance

Addressing and navigating client resistance in therapy is an art, not a science. 

Timing is crucial. 

For example, if a client consistently avoids discussions about their father, it may help to gently observe, “I notice this topic seems uncomfortable. Is there a reason it feels tough to stay with it?” 

Expressed with compassion, this creates awareness. On the other hand, if expressed too bluntly, it may increase resistance. 

Often, patience is the best approach—much like smoking a brisket, the process of overcoming therapeutic resistance cannot be rushed without spoiling the result. 

Trying to hurry emotional work can leave the client feeling exposed but not truly healed.

How to maintain therapeutic alliance with resistant clients

Therapy should not feel like an emotional boot camp. 

Instead, it should be a space where resistance is allowed to exist openly. 

This involves staying curious, empathizing with the client’s protective instincts, and sometimes even using humor. 

For example, you might say, “Sounds like part of you is rolling its eyes at this homework. Let’s get that part a chair at the table and see what it has to say.” Acknowledging this helps reframe resistance as a collaborative effort. 

Viewing overcoming therapeutic resistance as teamwork, rather than defiance, keeps clients engaged and makes the process more enjoyable for both parties.

What interventions work best for resistant clients

Motivational interviewing: This approach uses gentle redirection rather than confrontation. If a client says, “I don’t want to change,” the therapist explores what is important to the client instead of pushing for change.

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) or Gestalt therapy: These methods for overcoming therapeutic resistance encourage clients to experience their emotions directly, rather than analyzing them from a distance.

Humor: A well-timed joke can break down defenses in a way that worksheets cannot.

Pacing: Sometimes, the best intervention is to slow down and allow emotional safety to develop over time.

A guide for clients

If you are looking for therapy resources for yourself and find yourself wondering why you are avoiding certain topics, remember that resistance is a normal part of the process. 

Here are some steps you can take:

Name it

First, acknowledge your resistance. For example, “I notice I want to leave when we talk about my mom.” Awareness is powerful.

Share it

Talk with your therapist about your resistance, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Be curious

Ask yourself what your resistance is protecting—safety, pride, or fear.

Celebrate it

Resistance often means you are approaching an important area of growth.

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Should you continue therapy with highly resistant clients?

Sometimes, navigating client resistance in therapy can feel overwhelming. 

It can be likened to turbulence on an airplane—but, while it can be unsettling, it does not mean disaster. 

Often, resistance is temporary. 

In some cases, the bravest choice for both therapist and client is to acknowledge when therapy is not working and to consider ending it. 

This is not a sign of failure, but a gesture of respect for both parties’ time and energy. 

Paradoxically, such honesty can sometimes strengthen the therapeutic relationship.

Final thoughts: Embracing resistance

Ultimately, resistance is not the enemy of therapy; it is a vital part of the process. 

It highlights where the client’s wounds are located. 

Rather than trying to eliminate resistance, therapists navigating client resistance in therapy can use it as a guide to the unconscious—a reliable, if sometimes grumpy, companion on the journey to healing. 

When therapy becomes awkward, take a moment to pause, smile, and remember that resistance is pointing the way to where healing can happen.

Sources

• Beutler, L. E., Moleiro C., & Talebi H. (2002). Resistance in psychotherapy: what conclusions are supported by research.

• Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change.

• Safran, J. D., & Muran, J. C. (2000). Negotiating the therapeutic alliance: A relational treatment guide.

• Sue, D. W., & Sue, D. (2016). Counseling the culturally diverse: Theory and practice.

• Wachtel, P. L. (2011). Therapeutic communication: Knowing what to say when.

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