Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) worksheets

Are you a therapist looking for emotionally focused therapy (EFT) worksheets? You’re in the right place. 

This article provides an overview of emotionally focused therapy for couples, along with examples to use with clients. 

We’ve also included free downloadable EFT couples therapy worksheets to save to your electronic health record (EHR) and use in your practice.

What is EFT therapy for couples?

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is a structured, evidence-based intervention that helps individuals, couples, and families enhance emotional expression and develop secure relationships. 

EFT is used widely in couples therapy, and research shows it is as effective as cognitive behavioral couple therapy (CBCT).

Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is an experiential, humanistic, and systems therapy grounded in attachment theory and social neuroscience. 

Unlike other types of skills-based therapy, EFT encourages couples to create new emotional experiences that strengthen attachment security. 

Emotional connection is a fundamental aspect of human relationships in EFT. 

Through this approach and the use of EFT worksheets, couples learn to:

• Identify and express core emotions: EFT helps couples understand their primary emotions (like hurt) and begin describing them.

• Recognize unhelpful interaction patterns: EFT helps couples process emotional experiences and restructure their relationships to meet each other's attachment needs.

• Improve emotional regulation: EFT worksheets seek to repair conflict through emotional regulation, individually and as a couple.

• Enhance communication: Through fostering openness, responsiveness, and emotional engagement, couples can strengthen their communication skills.

• Create new bonding experiences that build trust, closeness, and a stronger emotional connection.

Research shows that EFT is effective in helping couples deal with distress, better understand and cope with their problems, address underlying issues, and support one another through mental health challenges.

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EFT instructions

There are three stages of EFT that clients will review in the EFT worksheets:

1. De-escalation

At this stage, the therapist seeks to identify and help couples understand the negative cycle or pattern they’re stuck in, such as defensiveness or criticism. Then, the therapist supports the couple in seeing the cycle as the problem, not each other. 

For example, "You're always ignoring me" is reframed as "When I feel ignored, I get scared and pull away, which makes things worse for us."

2. Restructuring interactions

The second stage of EFT worksheets promotes new emotional experiences by facilitating new ways to connect and deepen secure attachment and bonding. The therapist may explore attachment vulnerabilities, encourage partners to share, and teach them how to respond in an emotionally attuned and supportive way. 

For example:

• Partner A: “I feel afraid when I feel like you don’t care.” 

• Partner B: “I didn’t realize you felt that way… I do care, a lot. Sometimes I shut down because I don’t know how to show it, but I don’t want to hurt you.”

3. Consolidation and integration

The third stage helps clients express their emotions and learn to problem-solve based on their secure attachment. 

For example:

• Therapist: “Looking back at how far you have come, what do you both notice about how you express your emotions and how the other responds?”

• Partner A: “When I feel insecure or hurt, I don’t just storm off. I can tell her, ‘I’m feeling anxious right now,’ and she hears me.”

• Partner B: “Yeah. And I’ve learned to listen without feeling blamed. I know he’s trying to connect with me, not attacking me.”

• Therapist: “That’s a big shift. You’re not just reacting to each other’s defenses—you’re seeing the softer emotions underneath and responding with care. Let’s discuss how you can continue using these new patterns when future challenges arise.”

We’ve included these examples and instructions in the downloadable EFT worksheets. 

EFT examples 

Common techniques of EFT couples therapy worksheets include: 

EFT negative cycle

This technique is used in the cycle de-escalation phase of EFT couples therapy worksheets, helping clients see their recurrent conflict patterns and recognize the emotions driving those experiences. 

For example: 

• Partner A: “You never talk to me when upset!”

• Partner B: “Because when I try, you shut me down!”

• Therapist: “So when one of you feels hurt and reaches out, the other feels blamed and pulls away—that leaves both of you feeling alone.”

Bonding conversations

This technique is used in stage two of EFT for restructuring interactions, deepening emotional disclosures, and expressing unmet needs. 

For example:

• Partner A: “When you walk away, I feel like I don’t matter to you.”

• Partner B: “I didn’t know you felt that way. I do care. I just get scared I’ll mess things up.”

• Therapist: “I hear the longing in your voice. You’re saying, ‘I need to know you’re here for me, that I matter to you.’ That’s so powerful. Can you share that with her directly, from that place?”

Enactments

This technique of EFT couples therapy worksheets is when one partner speaks directly to the other about their emotional experience. 

For example:

• Therapist to Partner A: “Can you turn to your partner and tell them how hard it is for you to feel alone when they pull away?”

• Partner A: “It’s excruciating when I don’t hear from you. I feel forgotten.”

Accessing primary emotions 

Therapists guide clients to identify and feel their deeper, often hidden emotions, not just reactive ones like anger or sarcasm. 

For example:

• Instead of “I’m just mad all the time,” the therapist might help the client uncover “I’m actually scared you don’t want to be with me.”

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How to use the EFT worksheets

You can download and use the EFT couples therapy worksheets in several ways.

For example, print or screen share the EFT worksheets as psychoeducational session prompts.

Use the handout with couples to identify the challenges they have identified, and give the clients a copy of the worksheets to remind them of what you discussed during therapy. 

Ask the clients to use the EFT couples therapy worksheets between sessions and report their progress at their next therapy appointment. 

You can also give the EFT worksheets to supervisees or coworkers who may find them helpful.

Sources

• Bodenmann, G., Kessler, M., Kuhn, R., Hocker, L., & Randall, A. K. (2020). Cognitive-Behavioral and Emotion-Focused Couple Therapy: Similarities and Differences. Clinical psychology in Europe. 

• Greenberg, L. S. (2015). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (Chapter 1). American Psychological Association. 

• Najafi, M., Soleimani, A. A., Ahmadi, K., Javidi, N., & Kamkar, E. H. (2015). The Effectiveness of Emotionally Focused Therapy on Enhancing Marital Adjustment and Quality of Life among Infertile Couples with Marital Conflicts. International journal of fertility & sterility. 

• Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2016). A Review of the Research in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Family process. 

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