Grief letter template
Summary
Download a free, downloadable love languages worksheet to provide valuable couples psychoeducation and introduce practical relationship exercises during or between therapy sessions.
Use the 5 love languages frameworks—including words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch—to help clients identify how they prefer to express and receive affection.
Improve couples' relationship and sexual satisfaction by teaching partners how to align their communication styles and intentionally target each other's unique preferences.
Helping couples understand how they each express and receive love can be a powerful starting point in therapy—and using a love languages worksheet is one of the most accessible ways to do it.
This article provides an overview of the 5 love languages, along with example exercises to suggest to clients, helping them gain a deeper understanding of each other.
We’ve included a free downloadable love languages worksheet that you can save to your electronic health record (EHR) and share with clients.
What are the 5 love languages?
More than 30 years ago, after counseling couples for years, Pastor Gary Chapman developed the 5 love languages to help couples gain deeper insights into each other and how they express and receive love. Chapman published a best-selling book on this concept called “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.”
While the love languages framework is popular and many couples find it helpful, it's based primarily on Chapman's clinical observations rather than rigorous scientific research.
Chapman believed that understanding each other's love languages and putting them into action increases relational satisfaction.
The five love languages are:
Words of affirmation: This category of love language is about verbal communication. In other words, expressing words of love, appreciation, encouragement, or admiration for your partner. For example, “I’m proud of you,” “I love the way you smile at me,” or writing little love notes.
Acts of service: This love language is doing helpful or thoughtful deeds to show your partner you care about them. For example, a partner might take care of an errand, cook a meal, do the chores, make their partner’s morning coffee, or pick up the slack when they are overwhelmed.
Receiving gifts: This involves giving and receiving thoughtful gifts to their partner. It’s not the value of the gift that matters, but the action and significance of the item. For instance, bringing home their partner's favorite takeout, making art for them, buying their favorite flowers, or remembering special occasions with a card or gift.
Quality time: The emphasis on this love language is on spending quality time together without distractions, rather than simply sharing physical space. For instance, couples often mistake sitting on the couch watching TV as quality time, even if a partner is completely distracted. True quality time is about giving your partner your undivided and focused attention, such as scheduling time alone together, going on date nights, or taking a walk or trip together.
Physical touch: This involves showing your love and affection through physical touch and closeness. For example, hugs, back rubs, cuddling, kissing, or holding hands.
The 5 love languages may differ among partners and may also vary in how one person expresses love, but they may also want to receive love in different ways. For example, you might show your partner love through gift-giving, but value quality time with them when they show their love.
How effective are the love languages?
There have been limited studies of the 5 love languages, and the existing research leans more toward refuting than endorsing the framework. For example, multiple studies have found that couples with matching love languages were no more satisfied than those with mismatched love languages.
However, in one study of heterosexual couples, researchers found that couples who shared the same love languages did experience greater relationship and sexual satisfaction. The same study also found that men who reported greater empathy and perspective-taking were more likely to share their partner's love language.
Overall, while many couples find the framework useful in practice, the science has yet to firmly establish that love languages meaningfully improve relationships.
How to determine your love language
The simplest way to determine your love language is by reflecting on each love language and seeing which one most resonates with you. We’ve included a love language exercise in our free downloadable love language worksheet.
There is also a popular online love language quiz, which can be a fun activity for couples to do together.
How to use the love languages worksheet
You can download and use the love languages worksheet in several ways:
Use the worksheet to provide psychoeducation on the concept of the 5 love languages.
Give clients the 5 love languages handout to remind them of what you discussed during therapy.
Ask clients to complete one of the 5 love languages exercises between sessions and report their findings at their next therapy appointment.
Share the love languages worksheet with coworkers and peers.
Print copies to leave in your therapy room.
Use the worksheet as an icebreaker in couples therapy sessions.
Combine the 5 love languages worksheet with other couples' worksheets, such as our communication worksheets for couples, the 10 green flags in a relationship, and fair fighting rules.
Sources
Impett, E. A., Park, H. G., & Muise, A. (2024). Popular Psychology Through a Scientific Lens: Evaluating Love Languages From a Relationship Science Perspective. Current Directions in Psychological Science.
Karantzas, G. (2023). Is There Science Behind the Five Love Languages? Greater Good Magazine, University of California, Berkeley.
Mostova, O., Stolarski, M., & Matthews, G. (2022). I love the way you love me: Responding to partner's love language preferences boosts satisfaction in romantic heterosexual couples. PloS one.
University of Arizona. (2021). The Psychology Behind the 5 Love Languages.
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