Imago therapy worksheet

Imago therapy is a modality of couples therapy that aims to reduce conflict, deepen connection, and improve relationship satisfaction. 

This article provides an overview of imago couples therapy and includes a free imago therapy worksheet you can use in your practice.

We’ve included a downloadable imago relationship therapy exercises PDF to save to your electronic health record (EHR).

What is imago couples therapy?

Imago relationship therapy (IRT) is a type of couples counseling and coaching developed by psychotherapists Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. IRT combines attachment theory, developmental psychology, object relations, neuroscience, and behavioral change techniques to help couples connect emotionally. 

The goals of IRT aim to:

• Improve communication skills, including active and reflective listening and providing a safe space to connect 

• Strengthen understanding of one another

• Explore unmet needs and work together to address them

• Deepen the bond through empathy, trust, and emotional safety

While many couples come to therapy to resolve conflict or improve communication skills, imago therapy helps couples understand how unhealed childhood experiences influence their relationship. 

One of the theoretical principles of IRT is that partners are unconsciously drawn to each other based on unresolved patterns from childhood. According to this theory, a person's choice of partner is shaped by a childhood ideal—an imago—of who will complete them. 

This imago is made up of two things: the negative traits of a caregiver who caused harm, and the missing parts of that person's own personality that they've had to adapt or suppress in response.

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Imago therapy techniques

Imago relationship therapy techniques aim to deepen the couple’s understanding and empathy toward one another and improve their communication. 

Try these exercises from our imago therapy worksheet:

Imago dialogue

This technique aims to foster more effective communication by having partners schedule a set time for an honest conversation, maintain eye contact, and stay present without distraction—using mindfulness techniques to regulate emotions as needed. From there, partners practice mirroring, validating, and empathizing with what the other shares.

Appreciation exercises

This activity involves showing appreciation to each partner for things they currently appreciate or things their partner has shared they want to do in the future. 

Childhood activity

This exercise involves listing the positive and negative traits of each partner’s childhood caretakers. For example, positive traits might be warm and loving, and negative characteristics may include a parent who was absent and/or inconsistent.

Unmet childhood needs

Having identified negative and positive traits, couples may then acknowledge any unmet needs or frustrations they had as a child and how that made them feel.

Imago partner

This activity involves reviewing each partner's childhood experiences to understand how their caretakers' positive and negative traits, along with their unmet needs, have shaped their choice of partner.

Scheduling quality time

Couples are encouraged to plan quality time together to deepen their connection and meet each other's needs. They might choose to plan a date night, go on an adventure together, or simply schedule time to connect. 

Relationship vision

This technique involves each partner reflecting on their ideal relationship and the qualities that would make it perfect. For example, quality time, shared vacations, and emotional intimacy.

We’ve included some of these exercises in our downloadable imago worksheet. 

How to use the imago therapy worksheet 

You can download and use the imago worksheet in several ways:

• Use the worksheet to provide psychoeducation about imago relationship therapy and explore the therapy goals of the individual or couple.

• Complete the imago therapy worksheet exercises collaboratively in session and give the clients a copy to take home.

• Ask the couple to reflect on the imago worksheet, complete the reflection questions between sessions, and report their findings at their next therapy appointment. 

• Combine this worksheet with other relational worksheets, such as our 10 green flags in a relationship, conflict resolution worksheets, assertive communication examples, “I statements” worksheet, and boundaries exploration worksheet.

• Share the imago therapy worksheet with coworkers or leave copies in your office.

• Use this worksheet to provide training to interns or supervisees.

Sources

• Between Sessions Resources. (2023). Strengthening your connection: An imago couples therapy worksheet.

• Dehnavi, T. G., Yousefi, Z., & Farhadi, H. (2023). The effectiveness of imago therapy on marital satisfaction and emotional experience towards the spouse among the men with marital conflicts. Journal of Education and Health Promotion.

• Hendrix, H., LaKelly Hunt, H., Luquet, W., & Carlson, J. (2015). Using the imago dialogue to deepen couples therapy. Journal of Individual Psychology.

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